Eighteen months ago I shared* with many of the women here in Bogota about how I was coming to terms with my barrenness and the lessons** God was teaching me through the pain of unanswered prayer. I now stand on the other side of that prayer having seen it fully answered in God’s perfect timing.
I was asked to again speak with a group of women, many of whom heard my first message, and give testimony of how God worked in my life through our unexpected but much desired pregnancy and then how I coped with such a rough beginning to Cedric’s life. Here are some of the thoughts I gave.
God is always in perfect control of my life. Even when it feels like I’m forgotten. When I found out I was pregnant I was incredulous and overjoyed. God became very real and close as we rejoiced over the special gift He had been saving up to give to us. But there were times when I was tempted to worry and wonder whether I really would ever hold my child – I tried to simply entrust my soul to my faithful Creator (1 Peter 4:19). And I did my best to prepare for natural childbirth along with learning the basics of what a newborn might need.
|my first glimpse of Cedric|
For some inexplicable reason God allowed Cedric’s birth process to begin perfectly normal and end in a disaster – or so it felt at the time. I remember sobbing beside his incubator wondering what on earth had just happened and why my poor, “perfect” baby had to get hurt in coming into this world. Those were dark days, especially the first three when I was aching to hold him and waiting to get some clarity from the doctors about Cedric’s physical condition
There aren’t answers to the “why” questions we ask when loss strikes. Nor should we be surprised if God calls upon us to suffer a little down here. I don’t really get it, but we are to rejoice even in the midst of a fiery trial (1 Peter 4:12-13). Through the tears I just chose to not ask God the why question, and instead clung to Him and His promises. God doesn’t leave us alone in time of trouble and I sensed Him very near while we hoped and prayed our boy would fully recover.
God is sovereign. (Colossians1:17)
God loves me. (Romans 8:38-39)
God redeems horrible circumstances for His glory and my good. (John 9:1-3)
It seems a simplistic answer, but it really is the only posture I could be in as a child of God facing a trial – trusting the Lord. Telling myself truths and then really believing them. Faith in Jesus and trusting that He would help me handle whatever was to come.
In this chapter of my story there was a happy ending. God gave me the miracle of a baby after many years of barrenness and then He doubled that miracle by preserving Cedric’s life and restoring him to full health. My days have been full of marvel and delight as I watch this little boy grow and develop. Yet the lesson is not over as I daily seek to choose faith over fretting, entrusting my boy’s soul to his faithful Creator.
*listen in Spanish
**read in English